Breaking the Cycle
It's the day before Valentine's Day and admittedly this post is half epiphany and half necessity. I was lying in bed this morning and suddenly realized that I left one action item incomplete from my weekly "to do" list and that was the one that said "GET CARD FOR MATT". Since our condo is in disarray as we prepare to move into our first real adult family home/house, the printer is currently out of ink, I can't find my stash of homemade craft supplies, and I am much too large and uncomfortable to go Hallmark card shopping so my only feasible solution is to write an online declaration of love to my spouse.
I've always enjoyed documenting life whether I do it through photos, journals, daily planners/agendas and anything else in between. I thought I would be a superwoman documenter for this first pregnancy but instead i've been slacking something fierce (confession, I think i've taken like two baby bump shots due to pure sloth and a full camera memory card). During some of my latest and greatest deep soul searching chats with my momma we've went over some pretty incredible things about life in general, about my personal life journey, and how I've finally somehow reached this incredible new stage of life. I don't want to forget that, and I certainly don't want Matt to forget the incredible role he's played so i'm considering this more of a public diary entry than a lacklustre electronic Valentines Day card.
Since i've been married i've had this strange nightly phenomenon occur where I go to sleep normally, maybe fall into a dream or maybe not, and then suddenly I wake up in the middle of the night or early morning when there's just enough light that I'm still able to 100% forget where I am. This is not a pregnancy thing, is a daily (okay maybe monthly) thing. Not only do I forget where I am, but I forget who I'm with. Sound creepy? It kind of is. My mind typically gravitates to being single (this is not a subconscious desire) and i'm pretty sure it actually stems from a secret inner fear of being alone. I essentially wake up, forget where I am, and wonder if i'm alone wherever I may be. I quickly turn to my left and I see Matt (lately he's all smushed up against the wall because my pregnant body, human sized pregnancy pillow, and our little four-legged child take up most of our marital bed real estate). Sometimes i'm startled thinking "who is this other human?" but mostly a huge smile comes across my face and I fall in love all over again looking at the man that sleeps safe and sound beside me. In those silly moments of forgetfulness and pure absentmindedness, my sleepy brain reminds me that the man beside me is not just a sleeping partner, but he's also the incredible reminder that I am not alone, I have indeed married my best friend, and the person who "gets me", completes me, challenges and uplifts me more than any other human being... is in fact permanent. We are bound for life and he sleeps beside me not just because he has to but because he has chosen to do so forever.
Looking back at my "life mate selection process" during my early adult years I knew finding someone to share myself with totally and completely would be quite a doozy! My parents are my everything and i'm a daddy's girl to the core who was fortunate enough to have a father set the bar so freaking high for other men that it was seemingly impossible to find a man that loved, cherished, and inspired me even remotely as much as my own father. When Matt initially admired me from afar (aka. stalked me on Facebook) my friend Deanne alerted him prior to our first date (a blind date on my side only) that Amie was a strong woman but shares an unshakable bond with her father...oh and by the way she also considers her dad her best friend. That didn't stop Matt, he was up for the challenge. To make a long story short, Matt obviously won me over, became best friends with my parents, a significant new member of our close-knit family, and quickly became the final and necessary piece to have in place to help me break the cycle of poverty for good.
What does breaking the cycle mean? Ever since I arrived in Canada and met my adoptive Sider family, most would assume that the sad story of poverty should end there. Rightfully so, it does to an extent. I never thought about it until I became pregnant but this baby that I carry inside of me - this little boy (oh yes, it's a boy by the way) is the final step now in place to officially break the cycle of poverty within the Del Cid family (my birth family). I was the 12th child born to a mother of 18 children...with or without Matt the cycle would certainly have broken with me (the only child to fully escape poverty among all 18), but together Matt and I were not only able to break the cycle, but in turn create an entirely new path for me, for us, for our son, and our new little Eckhardt-Sider family. I look at Matt and can't wait to bring this baby boy into the world. It's an incredible feeling to look at your spouse and know that you have absolutely no doubts about how they will raise your child, how they will model their life, teach him, nurture him, know him, and love him.
My life dream and goal since I was a child was to combat poverty and I thank God everyday for sending me a warrior like Matt to join forces with me and together combat the poverty of loneliness, the poverty of inequality, the poverty of being unloved, and to finally work together to shatter that initial cycle of poverty that I entered the world in...the cycle of poverty that ends with me...that ends with us...that ends with our son. And for that I am eternally grateful. xoxo